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buddhism ? # =
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05 Jun 2002 / 6:49 p.m.
.:  postmodern whine

i am in no mood to even attempt poetics. i am going to rant.

personal trauma this week includes:

my uncle, whom i love dearly, is drinking again. he has been sober for five years. last wednesday the woman he is in love with was hit by a car. he went on a bender. he lost his job. he calls me and tells me this, and that he is suicidal. i can't think of anything to tell him other than "don't." i can barely manage the perfunctory "it'll get better." at least he seemed to buy it.

still looking for a job. not surprising, since i only earnestly started a week ago. still.

lost my unemployment check. pain in the ass, but not going to kill me. i can replace it, but it's going to set me back on bills for at least a week.

the girl i'm totally intoxicated with is somewhere over the atlantic ocean on her way to crete. i am glad about this. in a way, i am going to crete too. this is a good thing; i could use some mediterranean air.

i am backsliding everywhere. i can't focus and meditate. all i want to do is drink and get fucking high. get numb. i am fighting it, all this endless buzzing in my fucking head.

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