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16 Jan 2002 / 10:37 a.m.
.:  emost

for 36 hours i was very emo:

on monday my brother turned 22. he is in jail in colorado because of drug stuff. felt like shit because i was too lazy to send him a birthday card.

monday night alberto came over. he brought a girl named ashlee. she is pixielike and very drunk. she pukes in the backyard. she and berto fight over ideology. she is a hippy socialist. berto fronts like a hardcore neo-marxist, but he is really spoiled bourgeois like pretty much everyone else i know here, including me. she cried. i sent him home, promised to take care of her while she sobered up. she never really did. she cried a lot and held on to me some. i took her to her lover's house about 5am. i came home and stared at where she'd been sick for a while. i loaned her some books; i hope she's not a flake. i reconsider loaning things to drunk people.

i called in sick on tuesday. our company answering service fucked up and didn't fax my message to my supervisor. work called at 9:20 and woke me up. i yelled.

two of my housemates asked me if i fucked her. no, i didn't. i don't understand why anyone would ask? do i come off as that fucked up? "yes, i took advantage of a drunk 18-year-old girl who cried all night about love she didn't have." that seems like a fucked-up question. i know they didn't mean anything by it, though. still, it made me want to hide. instead, i went and saw Lord of the Rings again.

last night i installed a new hard drive & linux, got fucked up, listened to sunny day real estate and went to bed. oh, and i read swinney, too. le left an emoticon under an article of mine that i didn't think anyone had read. that made me feel pretty good.


The TAO TE CHING adapted by Ron Hogan


If you can talk about it,
it ain't Tao.
If it's got a name,
it's just another thing.

Tao doesn't have a name.
Names are for ordinary stuff.

Stop wanting stuff. It keeps you from seeing what's real.
When you want stuff, all you see are things.

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